I've been reminded a few times that "it's not about you, Janet."
The point of the reminder is well taken. It's not about me, necessarily. Life is about loving God and loving others, which is what I try to do. I tend to be empathetic and emotional, connected to people, feeling their pain and sympathizing with their sorrow. I have always been a deep feeler...not hard-hearted in any way. This has gotten me in trouble numbers of times. I just finished watching "Dirty John" on Netflix. This is based on the true story of Debra Newell, who fell in love with a man who was despicable in every way. He used women to provide for himself; he targeted successful women who were hungry for love, and he convinced them that he was loving, caring, sympathetic and kind. He completely duped them. Debra's story is about a woman who was looking for love, and when she met John Meehan, she thought she'd found what she was looking for. He was funny, charismatic, caring, and appeared to be genuinely interested in her. If you click on the link you can read about the timeline. I recommend you go to Netflix and watch the show. Debra was duped. Because of this, she very nearly lost her family. One of the most poignant scenes for me was when she went to a family gathering and was told that she should leave. "I don't know what I'd do without my family,"she said. I understand her. She made terrible mistakes, but through it all, she loved her family dearly. I have done the same. I have tried to love a narcissistic abuser. I have tried to see the best in him, because love "hopes all things, believes all things, endures all things... love never fails." But I was loving the wrong person. I should have been loving my children, empathizing with them, seeing their pain and sorrow, and protecting them. I could have punched the on-screen Debra in the show when she refused to listen to her daughters who told her the truth. I've come a long way, and news flash: it's not all about me. It's about Jesus. He has written my life's story. He is the Author and Finisher of my faith. Even if others do not understand, I walk with Him. He gives more grace, every single day. My life is nearly over, and I can truly say that no matter how many Dirty guys have hurt me, God has never left me, nor forsaken me. He has walked with me every step of the way. It's all about Him. JESUS,Lover of my soul (it's all about You) Click here to go to YouTube.
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January 2020
AuthorJanet Matthews Roth loves words. Categories |