I've chosen a "word of the year" a few times over the past decade. One of them was "sink", as I learned to sink into the Lord, fully resting in His Sovereignty over my life. Last year's word was HOPE, as I chose to hope for better things after my entire world shattered, fragmented into shards of despair, loss, confusion, and hopelessness. God gave me Hope; He continued to show me verses about hope and I often came across quotes from inspiring writers about hope. God filled me with hope even when it seemed foolish to even press on another day.
I have mourned many a loss. I've dealt with guilt and sorrow. I've thought long and hard about my choices in life that caused pain for me and my loved ones. I've mourned and wept and confessed and asked forgiveness from God. I still hope to be able to ask forgiveness from loved ones. Yet, I've decided that the time for weeping has ended. I have chosen to celebrate! Why, you might ask? I was thinking about my life with my narcissistic, abusive ex. He sucked the joy out of me, wearing me down bit by bit over decades of neglect. When I was first married, and had small children, I turned every little event into a celebration. Birthdays were a cause to show love to the birthday child with parties and decorations and cakes made to look like horses or clowns or trucks. We celebrated January with snowflakes and snowmen; February was love and hearts and roses. March – St. Patrick’s day, with green mashed potatoes and lessons about St. Patrick and Ireland. The celebrations were a thing to look forward to, and a reason for learning more, because all homeschooling moms like to turn everything in to a learning experience, of course. My ex did nothing, ever. He rarely got me a card, even for Mother’s day, though I bore him 12 children. I’d do a great be celebration for Father’s Day, for his birthday…and he would do nothing. After a while, it became too hard to pretend, and I simply stopped. But this year, it will be different. I want to CELEBRATE everything! I am alive. I have a new husband who loves the Lord, and loves me dearly. I have hope for the future. I have relationships with some of my kids and grandkids; and a hope for future restoration of other relationships. I have purpose: I am editing a book for a dear friend who is a missionary. My life is NOT over. I am free. I have learned so much during the past couple of very traumatic years, and I am thankful to be ALIVE. I choose to celebrate that, to live with joy and thankfulness. I've been mourning too long. It’s time to focus on what is good in my life, to celebrate the little victories and the joy of walking with the Lord day by day. He is good! Philippians 4:4 Celebrate God all day, every day. I mean, revel in Him! Make it as clear as you can to all you meet that you’re on their side, working with them and not against them. Help them see that the Master is about to arrive. He could show up any minute! The Message
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January 2020
AuthorJanet Matthews Roth loves words. Categories |